


When You’re in My Heart, I'm out My Mind

by WritinRedhead



Series: Rogue One Smut Collection [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bodhi needs a hug and likes to say fuck, Cunnilingus, Emotional Comfort, Emotional Sex, F/M, Gentle Sex, Jyn finally owns up to her emotions, Jyn has problems with emotional intimacy, Light Dom/sub, More Emotional Comfort And Emotional Sex, Pegging, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Romance, Shower Sex, Tags for Ch 2, Tags for Ch 3, They're both awful menaces who like to make the other beg, This is not the plot you are looking for, Vaginal Fingering, Woman on Top, and Bodhi is a sweetheart but what's new about that, more emotional porn than smut, resolved trust issues, very light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-04-08 10:42:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14103624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritinRedhead/pseuds/WritinRedhead
Summary: “What do you mean?” Jyn keeps her voice deliberately innocent, a sweet smile on her lips. “I had to get close to get the stick off of him. How about next time you play'Seduce the Imperial'.” She presses closer, so that her chest is flush against his, moving them both backwards until Bodhi's shoulders are up against the walls of their small S-class shuttle. “I'm sure you'd be just as good.”“That's not what I meant.” Bodhi’s voice is strained. His hands move from her sides down to her hips, fingers digging into the fabric of her pants.“What did you mean then?”Chapter 1:How to deal with your terrible partner trying to turn you on during an undercover mission.Chapter 2:Bitter-sweet comfort turning into fun shower times.Chapter 3:Emotions are hard and words even more so.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, look, I did a smut! 
> 
> Shout-out to [ ANTchan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ANTchan) who kindly checked the smut and made sure it smutted well. Thanks, dear. ;)

“Getting right down to it, I like that. What do you say, pilot, hm? Your ship or mine?”

Bodhi groans when Jyn pulls away from where she'd been whispering in his ear. “Kriff, Jyn, that's not funny.”

She gives him a mischievous smirk.

“Oh really? And that,” Jyn motions back at the alleyway leading to the bar of the outpost, “wasn't very professional. You were supposed to keep an eye on the officer too, not just me.”

He ignores it, instead just wraps his arms around her and groans again. “You’re terrible… downright _evil.._. You did it on purpose, didn't you?”

“What do you mean?” Jyn keeps her voice deliberately innocent, a sweet smile on her lips. “I had to get close to get the stick off of him. How about next time _you_ play _‘Seduce the Imperial’_.” She presses closer, so that her chest is flush against his, moving them both backwards until Bodhi's shoulders are up against the walls of their small S-class shuttle. “I'm sure you'd be just as good.”

“That's not what I meant.” Bodhi’s voice is strained. His hands move from her sides down to her hips, fingers digging into the fabric of her pants.

“What did you mean then?”

She knows full well what he’s accusing her of: what she'd done while sitting at the high bar, feeling Bodhi's eyes follow her every movement from a shielded corner of the shady outpost cantina. The way her eyes would drift to him, making sure he was watching. He’d made sure she's safe, of course, acting as backup and overseeing her approaching and ensnaring the Imperial officer with the goal of snatching the datastick of intel from his pockets.

Maybe it was a bit mean that she'd played with him like that, had subtey, but continuously teased him. But the fact that he'd grabbed and kissed her the moment they'd ducked into the shadow of their shuttle made it worth it.

“You know what,” Bodhi rasps into her ear, his voice sending shivers down her spine. “The looks you threw me when he wasn't looking. Leaning over with your shirt open and stroking down your chest… Flicking your hair like that…”

“Why, did it work? Did it turn you on?” Jyn trails a finger down his chest, down over the dark blue Alliance issued jacket, applying just enough pressure for him to feel the tickle on his skin. Bodhi sucks in a sharp breath.

“Force, I couldn't wait for it to be over. It was torture just sitting there and watching.” He buries his face in her neck, inhaling her scent. His beard rubs over her skin and Jyn shudders. He knows how to get to her. Suddenly, he stills. “But… if he'd touched you-”

“-I'd have broken his fingers,” Jyn cuts him off, before his mind gets too caught up in the thought. She moves back just enough to pull a small data stick from her pocket, showing it to Bodhi. “Look, the mission is accomplished, Officer Crook-Nose is gonna wake up with one hell of a headache tomorrow, and now…” She stands on tiptoes to murmur in his ear, even playfully nibbles at the shell of it, “...now I'd much rather have _your_ fingers.”

Bodhi splutters, trying to regain some of his lost composure, but failing spectacularly. “ _Fuck_ , _Jyn…!_ You can’ just - Kriff… We better - we better move this inside. Like, _right now_.”

While she’d rather not waste any time, the rational part of Jyn’s brain agrees that the shuttle - and maybe even the bunk if they make it that far - would be a better choice than risking any onlookers pressed against the shuttle hull. Reluctantly, she releases him, and Bodhi’s hands on her hips vanish for the bare minimum it takes him to hurriedly punch in the security code.

As soon as the hatch hisses open wide enough, they both scrabble inside, losing no time in kissing again. The rough, near desperation, of her lips on his and their tongues sliding past one another, while their hands explore each other’s bodies as if it was the very first time. As if they didn’t already have every inch of the other’s skin charted in their minds.

On the way to the bunk at the end of the shuttle, Bodhi’s jacket joins Jyn’s vest on the floor and boots get hastily kicked off. Bodhi's knees hit the back of the bunk and he lets himself fall down on it. Jyn follows, climbing into his lap and straddling his hips. Her hand at his chest tips him backwards with a rustle of sheets, and she looks down on him, taking in the sight before her.

He's already breathing hard, chest heaving, and his biceps straining the grey shirt as he pushes himself up on his elbows to look at her. His dark eyes are shining, pupils wide with want.

“And now what?”

Jyn grins at him, feral, showing her teeth. “ _This_.”

She leans down and places her lips on his, tasting his tongue as she slides her hands under his shirt, slowly riding it up and letting her fingers glide over his chest, tickling and scratching alternately. Bodhi moans into the kiss, his tongue continuing to explore her mouth, sliding past hers.

To Jyn’s displeasure, they need to break the kiss for Bodhi to get the shirt off completely, but the prospect of his naked chest makes her comply and let him up enough to pull the shirt over his head, before it’s discarded on the floor next to their other clothes.  

In the dim light, the faded scars on his chest stand out against his tan skin, like stars in a constellation map. Lighter colored marks on a tan canvas where the shrapnel had pierced his skin. She’s know there are more, littered all over the rest of his body, serving as evidence of their past. Their survival.

Jyn traces her index over one of the larger scars running over his left pectoral. She enjoys the way he shivers under her touch, so she leans down and kisses his chest, kisses the marks until she has him writhing under her. When she grinds her hips down, she can feel him already half hard against her.

Bodhi’s rough hand slides up her back, skilled fingers set to quickly unhooking her breast band. After getting rid of it, he reaches up and pulls out the tie that usually keeps her hair from getting in the way. It tumbles loose around her shoulders, perfect for his lean fingers to slide through her hair, stroking down her neck and eliciting something akin to a purr from Jyn.

He tangles his legs with hers and positions his arms so he has enough leverage to flip them over, the bunk creaking as he reverses their positions. He leans over her, one forearm propped up against the mattress, his free hand moving up under Jyn’s shirt. For a moment, she feels the cool shuttle air tickle her skin, before Bodhi slides down and buries his face against her stomach, beard scraping over her smooth skin.

Without further ado, he sets to work on her belt and pants, undoing the buttons with quick fingers. He pulls them off her, revealing her already wet panties underneath, teasingly brushing over her core doing so. It sends a spike of electricity through Jyn and she lifts her hips, urging him to pull those off, too.  

From between her legs, Bodhi smirks up at her. “Looks like I'm not the only one getting hot and bothered, eh?”

“Your fault,” Jyn bites out through clenched teeth, and fights the urge to stick out her tongue. Instead, she wriggles her hips in hopes for him to finally take the hint and get the bothersome clothing off already.

Bodhi grins as he sinks between her legs. “So? I bet I can make you even wetter.”

His breath hits her hot and Jyn feels herself getting more and more impatient. “C’mon, then. Or are you all talk and no action - _Fuck_ … _!_ ”

His mouth closes over her without warning. Jyn gasps, fighting the urge to curse more when his beard scratches over her sensitive skin, his tongue rubbing against her clit, and she spreads her legs further to accommodate him better.

Bodhi hums against her and it sends pleasure reverberating through her.. “Mm… that’s right, spread a little more for me.”

Usually his words are so well chosen, so gentle and thoughtful. In bed though… that's a different story and it's taken Bodhi not long to find out what his words do to Jyn.

He pushes his tongue in deeper and her hips buck involuntarily. At this rate, she’s going to get beard burn that she’ll still feel tomorrow. She isn’t complaining, though. _Force, no._

Then Bodhi pulls back and his tongue is replaced by a finger pressing into her, slowly curling, then a second one joining while his thumb still circles her clit. His mouth moves up, breath hot and damp on her skin, kissing up her stomach and wandering to her chest. His free hand cups her breast, teasing, as his hot mouth continues trailing kisses all over her and his fingers keep pumping into her.

“You like that, don't you?” he asks, lifting his head for just a moment, the ministrations thankfully not pausing.

In response, Jyn digs her fingers into his hair, groaning and clinging to the soft, black mess as if her sanity depends on it. And in a way it does. She arches her back, not able to fight the wanton moans any longer and only barely resisting the urge to fuck herself on his fingers. Her hair is splayed over the pillow, but she can feel a sweaty strand sticking to her forehead.

Bodhi brushes it off when he moves to mouth at her throat, sucking at the tender flesh. It’s going to leave a mark, Jyn is sure of it. It’ll be covered by the collar of her shirt, but she’ll know it’s there. And so will he.

Just thinking about carrying the hidden mark around base, his name spills over her lips.

“Bodhi… Bodhi…”

“Tell me what you want,” he breathes against her lips. His fingers curl inside her, on the search for the perfect angle to make her see stars. It makes her tremble in anticipation for when he finds it. Although, she suspects he knows exactly how to ruin her by now.. He’s just teasing, waiting for her to break and beg. Revenge for teasing him earlier. Revenge that she enjoys, even if she’d never admit it.

Then he pushes deeper and a “ _Please…_ ” comes over her lips whether she wants it to or not.

Apparently it's not what he's waiting for. He pulls out a bit, only his thumb remaining and continuing with the slow, teasing circles.

It’s good, agonizingly so, but it’s just… _not_ _enough_.

“ _Please’_ what?” Bodhi asks, and she can feel his smirk as he nips at her throat, before he moves to kiss her again.

Fucking tease. For a second Jyn considers biting his bottom lip, but then his fingers are back and the thought is forgotten, only want remaining and the heat within her building up more and more.

“ _Fuck_ ,” she pants. " _Please, Bo…_ Just…. let me come already...”

“Spoilsport.” He sounds a little disappointed she’d given in so soon, spoiling his sweet, sweet revenge. He even has the audacity to chuckle. The menace. “I’ll let that pass.”

Then Bodhi pushes his fingers in again and curls them in just the right way. It makes stars spark before her eyes and Jyn throws back her head. A hoarse cry escapes her as her vision goes white and her world shakes apart. His name on her lips, she rides out the waves of pleasure pulsing through her body.

After her breathing slows again, Bodhi traces her bottom lip with the pad of his thumb, wet with her. Jyn parts her lips, darting out her tongue and licking at it, tasting the salt and slick on it. She nips at it before sucking it into her mouth and letting her tongue swirl around it, takes it in a little further before she pulls her lips off with an obscene pop.

Bodhi sucks in a sharp breath. His are eyes blown wide watching her first bite, then lick her lip.

“What are you waiting for?” Jyn teases.

She doesn’t get an answer. Instead Bodhi dives down to capture her lips for another kiss. Harder this time, less gentle and playful than while they’d been undressing, more tongue and teeth involved now.

After the fierce kiss, Jyn smirks breathlessly up at him. She hooks a leg around his waist and pulls him tight against her. She feels his hard cock straining against the confines of his cargo pants and a wanton moan rises from his throat when she grinds against it.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Jyn leans up to whisper in his ear. “Don’t think I can’t make you beg, too.”

For a moment Bodhi just stares at her, seemingly speechless. Only his large, beautiful eyes, looking right into hers, reflect his need and desire. He swallows audibly, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

“Condom…. _now_ ,” he pants then, leaning back and rummaging through a drawer in the hind part of the bunk. From somewhere in the drawer, he produces a small package, losing no time and tearing it open with his teeth.

Jyn reaches out and tugs at the waistband of his pants, _accidentally_ brushing past the straining bulge. He groans. A little payback, Jyn tells herself.

“Didn’t you forget something?”

His eyes go even wider. “Pants! Fuck, there’s too many clothes here.”

He struggles trying to get out of his pants and underwear as quickly as possible, inevitably getting tangled up in a pant leg. He'd have tumbled out off the bunk, if not for Jyn quickly hauling him back.

It makes her giggle. “You’re a disaster, Bo.”

Bodhi makes an offended noise. “Hey, who's the disaster here?”

“You are,” Jyn says, darting forward and pressing a quick kiss to his pouty lips, “but I love it.”

Safely back on the bunk, she puts her fingers to his chest and playfully shoves him on his back, then proceeds to crawl on top of him, swiftly plucking the condom from his fingers. She places it carefully between her lips while stroking him, making him squirm beneath her, swiping her thumb over the top of his cock that's already dripping with precome. Bodhi keens at the teasing ministrations until she finally rolls the condom down.

Jyn pushes herself up on her knees, using one hand to guide him into her. She’s more than wet enough, stretched from his tongue and fingers and he fills her smoothly. Both her hands placed on his toned chest, Jyn throws back her head, hair flowing over her shoulders as she begins to move. Bodhi's hands are steady on her hips, stabilizing her with a soft but firm grip and she can feel his look burning hot on her body, eyes marveling at her.

“Shit, Jyn, you're beautiful like that. Do you know how hard it is not to come right now? You’re just so damn gorgeous.”

She smiles, taking in the sight that is offered before her.

“You should see yourself. You’re quite a sight, too.” The dark strands of hair that have fallen into his face, chest heaving and sweat starting to bead on his forehead, his plush lips, kiss-swollen and tempting. “And all for me to see,” Jyn purrs. “Just for me.”  

She rocks forward, revelling in Bodhi’s moan and the one that quells up deep in her own throat. He fills her wonderfully, hot and hard. Her thighs clench around his waist while Bodhi wraps his arms around her slim frame in a tight embrace, holding her in place as he rocks up into her.

Together, it doesn’t take them long to find a steady rhythm, the small bunk overflowing with the noises of their love-making, becoming filled with filthy little moans and soft, passionate gasps.

Bodhi slides his right hand up her side, riding up her shirt until most of her back and chest is exposed. He leans up his head, exposing his lean neck, to mouth at her chest. The scrape of his beard causes a shudder to run through her body.

Jyn props herself up on her forearms next to Bodhi's face, leaning down so she can kiss him again and again, drink up the needy moans that spill from his lips.

“I… I don't think I’ll last very long,” Bodhi pants against her mouth. Jyn catches his bottom lip between her teeth, shortly sucking at it, before releasing it again with a little pinch. “ _Shit…_ . especially if you keep doing _that_.”

“Hmm…” Jyn nips at his lips again, while she lifts herself up, then agonizingly slow sinks back down again. “D’you mean _that_?”

Bodhi all but whimpers. “Force, yes, don’t stop, oh gods, please don’t stop...”

His hands desperately clutch at her shoulders and he leans up, pressing her even closer to him. Jyn can feel his tensed abs against her stomach as his thrusts grow sharper, more erratic.

“Told you I could make you beg,” Jyn says, her voice breathy but not without some triumph in it. The sound of victory is swallowed when Bodhi jerks his hips upward and she can’t but moan when he hits the spot deep inside her.

They move together in perfect sync; Bodhi rocking up and Jyn meeting his thrusts, bringing the closer and closer to their peak. Jyn feels the heat in her core riding up and threatening to wash over her any moment now.

“ _Jyn_ ... _!_ ”

Bodhi thrusts his hips upward once more, _hard_ , his arms tightening around her, and with a hoarse cry he spills hot inside her.

It takes a second for him to regain his breath while his body still shudders, then he brings his right hand down to where they're joined, rubbing rapidly at her clit and bringing Jyn over the edge too.

Her second orgasm crashes over her like a mighty wave and for a few heartbeats all she can hear is the rushing of blood in her ears and their joined, hard breathing as they cling to each other.

When he pulls out, Jyn feels like whining at the sudden feeling of emptiness. But when she rolls off, her body feeling deliciously boneless as she lies next to him, she sighs in content. Their legs tangle, feet lazily sliding over calves as they wait for their heartbeats to return to a normal, slower pace again.

After a moment, Bodhi starts pressing his lips to Jyn’s forehead, kissing down the side of her face until she turns her head and meets his lips. For a moment they just trade slow, languid kisses that contrast with the urgent neediness from before.

Jyn snuggles up to chest and just revels in the feeling of his heart beating against hers. She buries her face in the crook of his neck. Bodhi smells good, safe and comforting. This is what she likes, what they do. A passionate fuck and slow, comfortable intimacy afterwards.

Bodhi slowly strokes his fingers along the curve of Jyn’s waist, rubbing his fingertips in small, massaging circles. He sighs mournfully.  

“We should get a move on,” he says, stretching to fetch his shirt from the floor and wipe them both clean. “This’ll have to do for now, but... what about a nice, long shower when we’re back?”

She kisses him again. “Hmm, sounds good. We better get back soon, then.”

Reluctantly, Bodhi disentangles himself from her arms and, naked as he is, walks over to the control panel. From her comfortable place on the bunk, Jyn watches the firm curve of his ass as he enters the coordinates. Another perk of being on a mission alone.

“Bodhi…”

“Hm?” He turns around, smiling at her, genuine and sweet. “What is it?”

Jyn stretches on the bunk. She lazily rolls to her side and extends an arm, beckoning. “It’s starting to get cold,” she drawls.

They have a bit more before they'll have to leave the outpost and jump to hyperspace, returning home, they both know it.

Bodhi grins at her. “I guess we can indulge in a few more minutes,” he says.  

“Hmm, good.” Jyn yawns and scoots over a bit to make place for him. “Come back here, then… _my pilot_.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun shower times~
> 
> Many thanks to [ ANTchan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ANTchan) again for her great beta-ing! <3

“Yes, General. We have the Intel; everything went smoothly, sir.”   

 _More than that even,_ Jyn thinks, but doesn’t say it. Draven doesn’t need to know all the details. The moment they’d landed the shuttle back on base, he’d been waiting for them with his typical sour face.

“Good job. Get yourselves settled back in, then. Debriefing starts at 1200 hours.” Draven’s expression smooths for the barest of moments as Jyn holds out the data stick to him. He takes it with a curt nod directed at them. “Erso. Rook.”

His hands then clasped behind his back, the general leaves the hangar, vanishing in direction of the control rooms. After he’s gone, Jyn and Bodhi set to pack up their things, fill their rucksacks with the few belongings that aren’t gear, and carry them to their quarters.

Out of the shuttle, the cold climate of the planet welcomes them, iciness filling the long and narrow hallways. Her breath forms small clouds in the air and a shiver runs over Jyn. Wishing it was thicker, she pulls her jacket closer. Suddenly she feels the warmth of Bodhi’s hand on her shoulder, feeling it even through her jacket.

“Everything okay?” he asks.

Jyn wonders whether it shouldn’t be her asking that. Ever since they’d entered Hoth’s orbit, he’d been strangely quiet.   

“I just always forget how cold it is, don’t worry,” she says instead. She briefly touches the hand on her shoulder with her own. “How come your hands are this warm?”

Bodhi just shrugs. “I’m used to it,” he says. “The desert gets cold at night.”

Inside their quarters, the temperature is least a bit more bearable, even if it couldn’t be called ‘warm’. The small room has become familiar over time, their few clothes and personal belongings neatly placed on a shelf at the wall, looking a little lonely in the otherwise empty room. It doesn’t feel like coming home, though, not really. She’s learned a long time ago that home is found in people, not places.

With a huff, Jyn sets her rucksack down on one of the two bunks, opening the zipper and taking out her dirty clothing. When she carries it to the ‘fresher unit with the aim of putting it down the laundry shoot, in the mirror, she catches a look at the clothes she’s wearing. They carry marks of wear; grease smudges and dust.

While she’s still frowning at a large smudge on the front of her vest, Bodhi steps into the ‘fresher too, about to do the same with his laundry.

“Kevla outpost really is a dirthole. I hope I didn’t sit in something in that bar.” He looks at the pair of pants in his hands, frowning at it in disdain before disposing of it in the laundry shoot. “I can’t wait to feel clean again.”

“Yeah,” Jyn agrees. “Some hot water sounds nice.”

A pair of arms suddenly wraps around Jyn’s waist from behind, accompanied by a soft kiss to her neck. Bodhi’s breath feels nice and warm in contrast to the cool air. She leans back into the touch.

“You know,” he starts, brushing her long bangs out of the way and continuing to leave small kisses on her skin. “We still have a while before Draven wants to see us prim and proper. Wanna get that shower we talked about?”

Jyn turns her head and pulls his face close so she can kiss him. His lips are soft and pliant against hers, seemingly eager for the contact.

“A good idea,” Jyn says, when she reluctantly pulls back. Unfortunately they have to break apart for important things - like getting their clothes off, if they want that shower.

They take their time undressing each other, letting clothes slide off shoulders and drop to the floor. Jyn takes great care not to pull Bodhi’s hair when she removes the thin tie keeping it in a bun at the back of his neck. He sighs when she lets her fingers slide through it afterward, carefully combing out some of the tiny knots.

She sets to take out her own hair tie when Bodhi stops her.

“Wait… Let me.”

He removes it, slowly, then carefully spreads her hair over her shoulders, smoothing the tips down where they lie on her collarbone. Bodhi looks at her when he’s done, trailing his eyes from her face, to her neck, to the scars on her chest. Although Jyn has no problem with nakedness, she feels strangely bare that moment. Not in an unpleasant way, though. On the contrary...

“You’re beautiful, do you know that? I don’t think I tell you often enough.”

“And you don’t have to.” Jyn squeezes his hand that’s somehow found its way into hers. “But thank you.”

She leans forward and turns on the tap, letting the water run until steam starts to fill the room. One of the few perks of living on an ice planet is that there is always enough water.

Once the shower is running, Bodhi gathers her back in his arms.

“I’m always glad when we’re back,” he says quietly, and his arms tighten around her near naked frame again as if he’s worried she might be gone should he let go. “When we’re both back.”

“Yeah…” Jyn swallows, hard. Now she knows what his mind has been on about. They’ve lost too many friends and familiar faces over the years. She tries not to let it get to her all the time. This is what life in a rebellion entails, after all. It’s not all triumph and glory. Sometimes there’s nothing but the cold, hard, and, more often than not, painful truth.

She steps out of her pant legs on the floor and into the ‘fresher. Letting the hot water pelt down on her shoulders, it’s easy to pretend the wetness on her face is solely coming from the shower.

Bodhi still stands in front of the ‘fresher, looking a little lost. A small smile on her lips, she beckons him to join her, hugs him when he does. Standing on her tiptoes, Jyn wraps her arms around his neck and presses their bodies close together.

“I’ll always try and come back to you,” she whispers in his ear. “I promise.”

She can hear Bodhi breathe in deeply, even over the rush of water. Then he’s silent for a moment and Jyn only feels his chin digging into the crook of her neck as he buries his face in it.

“Jyn, I…” He swallows audibly, the words he wants to say seemingly stuck in his throat. “I… you…”

She takes his face in her hands, presses her lips to his, effectively cutting him off before the words are able to escape and become fragile reality. A vulnerability. For both of them.  

“Don’t.” She brushes a stand of his long, dark hair out of his face, gently caressing his cheek. He leans into the touch. “Please, don't. Just promise me you’ll do the same. That’s all I need.”

Bodhi places a finger under her chin and gently tips her face up. His dark eyes fix her green ones, looking at her as if he’s able to see straight into her soul. He presses a soft kiss to her lips.

“I will. Always.”

“Thank you,” Jyn whispers.

She reaches for the soap dispenser and lets some of the liquid pour in the hollow of her hand, gently starting to spread it over Bodhi’s shoulders and his chest. The Alliance’s standard issue soap is plain, just a clear, boring liquid, but carries has the faint scent of Candorian myrrh. Neither overly sweet or heady. Jyn likes the smell, the simpleness of it. Especially when it mixes with the natural scent of Bodhi’s skin. She takes a deep breath. Then it’s intoxicating.  

Bodhi’s hands are sliding over her shoulder. He mirrors her movements, tenderly lathers her with the smooth foam. He gently soaps up her chest, caresses the curve of her back and strokes down her spine. Her lips on his collarbone, Jyn watches the glistening soap bubbles slide down, running over his skin before they’re washed away by the hot water enveloping them both.

It feels good to bask in the other’s reassuring touch. To just share simple kisses without any urgency. Just gentle reminders of being alive. Alive and together. To revel in the comforting touches for mind and body and soul.

Bit by bit, tension she hadn’t even noticed falls off from her.  

Jyn lets her hand glide lower on Bodhi’s stomach, feeling the firm muscles and the tempting V-shape leading to his groin. Slowly, she crowds him with his back against the ‘fresher door.

“Let me return the favor?” she asks, her voice a husky, satin drawl.

“What favor?” Bodhi murmurs into her neck.

“Y’know.” Jyn slides her other hand down his chest, too, kissing along his stomach as she sinks to her knees. From between his legs, she blinks up at him, and insinuating smile tugging at her mouth. “The one from yesterday.”

“Oh… _oh…”_ Bodhi’s eyes go wide as the realization sinks in. “Yeah _,_ I'd…” He swallows dryly. “I'd like that very much.”

“Hmm, _good._ ”

Jyn lets her fingers rub small circles into the crease of his hips as she slowly moves her lips along his inner thigh. Her hand goes to his dick, sliding her fingers over his length, caressing him. It doesn’t take much for Bodhi to become hard under her touch.

She’s going to remind him that she’s here with him. That they’re back and together and safe, for the moment at least. She’s going to let him feel her with her body and her mind, with _all_ of her.  

Her fingers massage the base of his cock, while her lips close around him, taking him. She starts to slowly bob her head up and down and Bodhi groans. He lets his head fall back against the frosted glass, another moan rising from his chest as his hands slide into her wet hair, searching for some kind of footing, a task to occupy his restless hands.

“ _Gods,_ Jyn… You feel so good… so good...” He keeps muttering as she slides her tongue along the underside of his cock, causing him to suck in a sharp breath, cursing. She takes him in deeper, her teeth scraping only the tiniest bit, but enough to elicit a shudder from Bodhi that makes his skin ripple and she can see he is fighting the urge to buck up his hips. _“Fuck...!”_

Jyn moves back, pulling her lips off with a soft pop. When she gazes up at him, his eyes are nearly all dark, fluttering with unconcealed passion as he is trying oh so hard to hold back.

“Tell me when you’re about to come, okay?”

“Yes… I … _F-force_ … I’m getting close—”

She swirls her tongue around the tip, her fingers not ceasing their ministrations to the base of his cock. It makes his hands curl into her hair, not painfully, but tugging just strong enough to make her moan around him.

“C’mon, don't hold back, Bo.”

“‘M not…” he claims stubbornly, even while panting hard, biting his already deliciously swollen lips. “Fuck, I think, I'm—”

The words become stuck in this throat as his stomach tenses and he shudders, coming undone with a hoarse cry. She swallows as much as she can, the rest getting washed away by the water and swirling down the drain.

Jyn licks her lips, tasting the remnant of the slightly salty tang of his come. She gets back up from her knees, throwing her head back under the hot spray of the shower and rinsing off her face before she leans forward, pressing her lips to his in a quick kiss.

Bodhi breathes heavily, his body still trembling from his release just moments ago. “Gimme a minute,” he says. “Biology.”

“Okay…” Jyn mouths against his lips, although she's already feeling more and more impatient, the ache for him burning deep within her stomach.

Bodhi juts his chin forward and catches her mouth for a proper kiss. His tongue trails over her bottom lip, teasingly prying open her lips. Jyn willingly opens up to him and his tongue tangles playfully with hers. A moan hums against her lips, a violent shudder ripping through him, and she knows he can taste himself on her tongue.

She gasps into his mouth when his right hand wanders down between her legs, a lean finger slipping into her and starting to skillfully tease her open while he moves and nibbles on her neck. It doesn’t take long for a second finger to join the first, for them to curl inside her, making her pant and moan his name. She writhes against the wall, wishing his fingers would go deeper.

“Stop teasing…” Jyn presses up against Bodhi, her fingers splayed over his ass, pulling him flush against her own body and rasping in his ear. “I can’t wait any longer, I’m _dying_ to feel you inside me… ”

“ _Kriff_ , Jyn…”

Without further warning, Bodhi puts his strong hands to the underside of her thighs, heaving her up, and Jyn promptly wraps her legs around his waist. She hooks her ankles behind his back, placing her hands to either side of his face, and kisses him with all she has. He stabilizes her against the wall so that Jyn feels the cool tiles press against her back. The contrast of hot and cold makes her shudder and she kisses him harder.

“We should... wait…” Bodhi mouths between the frenzied kisses, not stopping despite his words. “We don’t… have a-”

“Don’t you _dare_ leave me right now…” Jyn squeezes her legs tighter around him, holding him in place. Just in case. “We're good, I’m up on all my shots. Just… fuck me… _Right now_.”

“Oh?” A mischievous sparkle lights up in Bodhi’s eyes and Jyn knows she’s done for. Complete and utterly done for. “Someone's getting bossy.”

“Screw you.” She smirks at him, the grin taking the edge off her words, and Bodhi chuckles.

“If you say so.”

He uses one hand to brace himself against the cool tiles, the other to slowly guide himself into her. Jyn holds onto his shoulders, a shaky moan escaping her as he lets her sink down and fills her completely.

She curls her fingers into the fine hair at the back of his neck, feels his shoulder blades move as his muscles strain to lift her up. His face is buried between her breasts, beard softer than usual thanks to the water but still rough enough to make her shiver.

It takes them a moment to figure out the best position, how to make it the most comfortable for them both. Then Bodhi thrusts upward and his fingers dig into her hips as he's holding her.

“Tell me if it’s too hard…”

“No, it’s perfect…” Jyn sucks a small bruise to his neck. Another one to his shoulder. Marks his skin wherever she can reach. “You’re perfect…”

She jerks her pelvis forward, meeting his next thrust. A moan wells up in her throat when he pushes deep inside, coming closer to finding the perfect angle and making her world explode.

“ _Bodhi_....” She pants against his neck, digging her fingers into his back, and he growls when she drags her fingernails no doubt leaving marks.

“Fuck, you’re going to make me come real soon like that!”

Jyn clings to his shoulders, only barely taking notice of the obscene sounds that spill from her lips.

“I don’t care, just…” She breaks off, groaning as one of Bodhi's thrusts hits the perfect spot deep inside of her. “ _Force,_ Bo… more… _please_...”

He does what she begs him to do. Her shoulders are pressed harder against the wall, hips lifted higher when he raises her up to align his hips anew. Jyn clamps her thighs tighter around his sides and presses her face against Bodhi’s neck, letting her teeth scrape over the joint to his shoulder and continuing to mutter filthy little sounds in his ear while he rocks up his hips.

When she comes, Jyn comes _hard_. She arches her back, head rolling back against the ‘fresher wall as the wave of her orgasm crashes over her. Trembling, she only barely hears Bodhi grunt her name over the rush of water and the pulsing of blood in her ears. She’s still high off her own release, when she feels him thrusting into her once, twice more, before he follows her over the edge, shuddering as he comes in her.

For a moment they just cling to each other, breathing into the others skin, hard and heavy, waiting for their senses to come back into focus.

After their breathing has returned to normal, they rinse off again, before stumbling out of the ‘fresher, swaying into each other and making a clumsy attempt to dry off. They're still wet when they let themselves fall down on Bodhi’s bunk, it being the closer one of the two. It's not like they sleep separate from each other often, anyway.

Bodhi groans once his back hits the mattress, creaking under their joined weight. “I'm so going to feel my back tomorrow.”

“What?” Jyn leeres, rolling on top of him and making herself comfortable on his chest.”You're that much of an old man already? Who would have guessed?”

“Oh, shut it. You're only a year younger than me.”

Before Jyn even notices, he's caught both her wrists in one hand and starts tickling her side until she's squirming and giggling on top of him. It takes a moment of negligence from Bodhi for her to finally free herself and get hold of his quick hands, pinning them down to the mattress.

“Ha! Gotcha.” Jyn grins, breathlessly. Then she leans down and kisses him. She loves the sound of his laugh in her ears, is glad to hear it again. Bodhi smiles as he responds just as eagerly.

“We should stop already,” he murmurs after a bit, even while continuing to kiss along the side of her face. “Draven’s gonna be really pissed if we’re late for the debriefing.”

“Shh, don’t talk about Draven now.” Jyn presses a finger to his lips. She winks at him. “We’ll just have to be quick.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter! Hope you enjoy it! I decided to use one of the Smut Challenge prompts for it: Jyn/Bodhi + pegging. A wonderful way for them to explore a different kind of trust. 
> 
> Also,[ rogueshadows](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rogueshadows) is a _fantastic_ beta and helped so much.  <3

“Jyn.”

She paces around the room. Wall to the door and back to the wall. For some reason her heart is beating faster now than while they’d still been surrounded by blaster fire, seeking cover behind an already wrecked market stall. It had been so close. Too close. One of the blaster bolts leaving a hole in the dry clay brick wall next to her face. The next one -

“ _Jyn_.”

She jerks around, hair whipping over her shoulder. She hadn’t bothered fixing her bun after it had come loose, not during the four hour flight back to base, nor after their late-night arrival. Had been too busy answering questions of _‘What happened? What went wrong? Whose blood is that?’_

“What is it?” she snaps, sounding harsher than she’d meant to.

Sitting on his bed, Bodhi pauses in taking off the bandage wrapped around his left upper arm. The more he unwraps of the bandage, the darker become the dried, rust colored spots that have soaked through the fabric. He sighs.

“Stop worrying, will you? It's only a scrape, not even worth going to the medbay for. I just need a new dressing and it’s all good.”

“I'm not worrying,” Jyn says stubbornly.

She wrangles an errant strand back behind her ear and tries to look more composed than she feels. Bodhi only crooks an eyebrow and she curses. Who is she even kidding?

“Maybe I am, but you’re an even worse liar.” She gestures at the dirted bandage. “It’s bleeding an awful lot for “just a scrape”. And what if it hadn’t been just a scrape? It was _this_ close and it would have been all my—”

She bites her tongue.

Saw used to say that overconfidence was the real enemy. Be sure of yourself, yes, but don’t let it border on foolishness. Which is exactly what she’s done. To a trained eye the shooter should have been easy to spot. If she hadn't been so determined to handle the unexpected patrol on her own, to distract them, fight them… she would have seen. In the heat of the moment though, she hadn’t even noticed the blaster trained on the two of them.

At least not until it was too late.

“Come here for a moment.” Bodhi beckons her over to the bunk, his good hand patting the space beside him.

Grudgingly, Jyn obliges. The mattress creaks quietly as she sits down, her face stubbornly turned away from him and from the dirtied bandage. She doesn’t want to see the evidence of her careless actions.

“I’m sorry,” is all she says, still keeping her eyes trained at the opposite wall instead of Bodhi.

But he is having none of it.

“Look here,” he says and nudges Jyn’s shoulder with his own, removing the last layer of fabric once he has her full, if reluctant, attention.

The bandage unwraps, revealing a small wound from what is unmistakably a blaster burn. It looks better now than it had at first, when it had still been bleeding, the edges dry and no more fresh blood surrounding it. Now, without the panic of adrenaline in her veins, Bodhi slumped and injured in the co-pilot’s seat, she realizes her perception is clearer. That Bodhi wouldn't lie to her.

It’s only a small scrape, they’ve both seen far worse. But still, it scared her.

“See, it’s not that bad.”

“It _could_ have been bad though,” Jyn argues again, still frustrated. “It was lucky that they only hit your arm. Just a bit more to the left and you could have been seriously hurt, and all because… _fuck_ , because I thought I could handle it alone. We _need_ to be able to rely on each other out there, otherwise-”

Bodhi interrupts her.

“We _can_ rely on each other.” He continues, ignoring her skeptical huff. “I know you’re angry with yourself, but believe me, I would trust you with my life. I _do_ trust you with my life. So stop beating yourself up over this, okay? It’s not doing any good to either of us.”

Staring at her hands again, it takes more than a few heartbeats of silence until Jyn can make herself agree. She doesn’t quite believe the words yet but she believes Bodhi and knows that in spite of everything, he will be okay.

“Okay...” she mutters. Bodhi seems satisfied with the answer. He leans over and presses a light kiss to her forehead, his right hand brushing some of the wayward hair out of her face.

“It’s not your fault, you know. They were too many and _neither_ of us noticed we’d been tailed. It was bad luck, it happens. At least we didn’t lose the intel and this-” He lifts his injured arm, “-this will be gone before I know it.”

Listening to his reassurances, Jyn feels herself involuntarily relaxing. She sighs, then wordlessly takes a fresh roll of dressing, winding it gently around Bodhi’s injury to keep the new bacta patch in place. Bodhi holds very still while she fixes his dressing.

“You’re too nice sometimes,” she says after she’s done.  

“I can be the opposite if you want. Might be fun.”

Bodhi waggles his eyebrows and a small laugh escapes Jyn. He’s good at cheering her up, too good maybe. She's still feeling the sting of guilt in her chest when he continues.

“Actually, there’s something I’ve been thinking about…” Bodhi says then and his voice is quieter, more serious. “In fact, I've been thinking about it for a while now.”

“Oh, and what’s that?” Jyn asks, wondering if he’s still just trying to distract her.

“I.. uh…” He fiddles with the hem of his shirt. “Something we could try together…”

“Come on, out with it,” Jyn prods, suddenly curious.

“It’s just an idea but, I was just, uh… wondering how it'd be if you were, you know, on top...” He murmurs the last part so shyly Jyn isn’t sure she’s heard him right.

Jyn cocks her head and her eyebrows draw together. “Babe, I don’t understand. What do you mean? I _am_ on top sometimes…?”

In response, Bodhi’s face only turns a shade darker. “No, I, uh, I didn’t mean it like that…”  

“Then wha- Oh. _Oh,_ ” she says again when the realization sinks in, sure she’s flushing too now. Thinking that he’d want to be fucked by her. There aren’t too many other options, she just hadn’t expected it to be _that_. After he’d nearly gotten shot, she hadn’t expected this conversation at all. But, on the other hand, everyone copes with stress differently. “You… want me to?”

She can see Bodhi’s adam’s apple bob as he swallows. “I mean, only if you wanted too, and, uh…”

He’s this close to start babbling, so different from the confident words he’s used to reassure her just minutes before. It’s the duality that is endearing to her and Jyn finds herself smiling. Their conversation might have taken an interesting turn, but the more she’s thinking about the proposal, about all that it would entail, the more enticing it becomes.

She puts her hand on top of Bodhi’s, stilling his fidgeting, and slips her fingers in-between his. “Bodhi.”

He looks up, seeming a little unsure whether or not he should have brought it up in the first place. “Yeah?”

Jyn quickly leans over and presses a quick, but firm kiss on his mouth. “Stop being nervous, I didn’t say no, did I?”

He shakes his head no, swallowing hard, and if the idea alone has him so keyed up then Jyn is definitely on board. “So, that means...”

Jyn smiles at him. “Yes. I’d like to try it too.”

She isn’t sure yet of the details, how it’s all going to work, but is more than willing to figure it out together.

She glances at the chrono and sighs. It’s late already and she should have been in the command center half an hour ago. Bodhi notices her look.

“What is it?” he asks.

“I’ve got to go, Bo. The princess wanted to talk to me before she and Solo leave in the morning.” She brushes her hand over his arm and gets up. She doesn’t want to leave him, wishes there were more time to talk about it, now that she’s gotten Bodhi to open up, but she also knows she has to, can’t let command down again. “You should get some rest while I’m gone.”

Bodhi nods, even though he seems just as reluctant to let her go.

“I will,” he says. “Come back soon.”

***

The contents of the small bag had been a challenge to get, and yet, Bodhi’s reaction when he sees them is entirely worth it when she presents them the next night. He’s sitting in bed, back leaned against the wall and feet drawn up, reviewing some unintelligible tech stats when she hands it to him.

“Where did you even _get_ that?” Bodhi asks after peering into the bag, his eyes gone wide in surprise. “That’s not exactly…. _Alliance issue_ , is it? Last time I checked strap-ons weren’t part of the standard gear.”

“It’s better if you don't ask,” Jyn says through gritted teeth. She'll remember the princess' smirk for a long time. A _very_ long time.

Bodhi looks at her, his brows drawn together, and Jyn can nearly _see_ the realization dawning on his face.

“I see…” he says, looking amused and embarrassed all at once. “You talked to Leia, didn’t you?”

Jyn keeps her mouth shut, but it doesn’t take more than a moment or two before she falters and pulls a face as she lets herself sink down onto the edge of the bed.

“She left it to me. It’s not like I _wanted_ to tell her, alright? The princess… she has her ways.”

Bodhi starts laughing at the answer. He’s probably imagining the nosy handful of a princess prodding Jyn with her questions long enough until she breaks and starts talking. He wouldn’t be far off with that guess.

“She does. I swear, I’m surprised she hasn’t snatched you from me by now.”

“Hmm, I like her,” Jyn drawls, as if considering.

She gets along well with the princess, which is useful when it comes to having someone to actually _listen_ to her in the council, but as far as relationships go, her and Leia’s personalities would clash too much for it to go well. Not to mention the princess’ tempestuous romance with that loudmouth of a smuggler. No, Jyn knows who she prefers.

She crawls up on the bed so she sits beside Bodhi, leaning over to press a brief kiss to his lips. “But I like you more. A lot more.”

Instead of a quip in return, a strange look appears in Bodhi’s eyes. It suddenly hits her how close she’s gotten to saying the words she’s always begged off listening to, the feelings she can’t voice out loud. Biting her tongue, Jyn swallows down the curse directed at no one but herself. Could she fuck up any more this week?

“I’m sorry,” she says, feeling contrite for causing him pain with her remark. It’s not something they say to one another. She cares for Bodhi, it’s just...it’s not something _she_ says.

“‘s fine,” Bodhi mumbles, putting on a brave face and trying for a smile. It’s not entirely convincing.

Jyn brings her hand to his cheek and kisses the corners of his mouth, gently, asking for forgiveness. Once, twice, until the third time he turns and meets her lips full on. Bodhi brushes his thumb across her cheek, the same faint smile returning when he pulls back.

“Do you still want to try this?” Jyn asks, body humming with nervous energy. “I’d understand if you wouldn’t.”

“I was just about to ask the same.” Bodhi leans in for another kiss, pressing his lips against hers with a quiet intensity, their foreheads touching when he pulls back. For a long beat he does nothing but look right into her eyes. Right into her. “I do, I want to. I want _you_.”

“Okay,” Jyn swallows, “give me a second. I’ll be right back.”

With a small smile of her own, she disappears into fresher, anticipation building with each moment. If she can’t tell him, she’ll at least show him what he means to her, now wanting him to doubt for a moment how much he matters.

When she comes out again she’s pulled her hair down, wearing nothing but a large beige undershirt that barely covers her bottom. Bodhi looks over from the bunk as the door slides open and promptly sucks in a quick breath.

“You've got my shirt on again,” he points out.

“I happen to like it.” Jyn climbs into bunk, placing her knees left and right of Bodhi's hips, straddling him. “It's comfortable,” she says as she wraps her arms around his neck. _‘Not to mention that it smells of you._  

“It suits you.” Bodhi tilts his head back to look up at her and his hands find their way under the shirt, fingers warm and gentle as he slowly moves it up. Bodhi mouths against her neck, her chest. “But it would look even better off.

“Agreed.” Leaning back, Jyn pulls it off over her head and lets it drop to the floor. Then she tugs at the casual wear Bodhi has already changed into. “And what about this?”

“What do you think?”

“Hmm… Need it off.”

He doesn’t need to be asked twice, stripping down to his briefs. Jyn reaches for the harness with shaky hands, finally taking in the marvel that is his body. She trails her eyes over every inch of exposed skin, from the sparse dark hair on his toned chest, the thin line of it leading down and disappearing into a thatch below his waistband. She admires the fine but sharp definition of muscle on his arms, the freshly healed patch of skin, looking smooth and vulnerable. The bacta patch worked well. It might not even leave a scar.

“Here, let me.”

Jyn hadn’t even noticed she’d stalled when Bodhi’s hand brushes against hers. He gently pries the harness from her fingers where they’d clenched around the smooth leather straps. His fingers are apt and gentle, settling the straps around her hips and closing them, all while brushing over her skin here and there in a manner that makes her shiver in anticipation.

“You've done this before?” Jyn asks.

“Only once, a long time ago. With someone from the flight academy,” Bodhi says, his tone a bit too calm and casual. “He died on his first training flight. An accident, or that's what they told us. Guess he was a bit too much in favor of the rebellion.”

Jyn swallows hard. Yet another reminder of the lives they’ve lead, the lives full of loss and hardship. Bodhi with the Empire, she with the partisans, and later both of them on their own with no one left to trust.

“Sorry, not the right moment, eh?” Bodhi says once he notices, misinterpreting the way she tenses and looking regretful. “Leave it to me to kill the mood.”

Jyn passes over his comment, fixing him with a sincere look. “Do you trust me?” she asks, the weight of the question not lost on her.

He’s about to completely give himself over into her hands and that’s what’s most important. To be able to fully entrust oneself to the other. Just like on the battlefield two days ago, she needs Bodhi’s trust for this.

A voice in the back of her mind keeps whispering how she’d fucked up two days ago, heart beating wildly and hoping she won’t fail him again.  

“Jyn, listen to me.” Bodhi looks at her insistently. "You know why I wanted this? Because I trust you. Because I _love_ you.”

Jyn takes in a sharp breath, suddenly feeling short of air, while one hand involuntarily tightens around a fistful of the bedsheet, the other curling atop of Bodhi’s chest. Still, he continues.

“I know you don't want to hear it, but I do. I trust you with my life, Jyn Erso.”

“Bodhi…” she starts but breaks off. Can’t say it. Her mouth won’t let her.

The words weigh heavy on her chest as she tries to stomach them. She’s always been afraid of admitting them, even to herself. Too afraid of what might happen should she own up to her feelings and something happened to him. Something like the two-days old burn mark on Bodhi’s arm.

“I love you,” he repeats, speaking with an intensity reserved for only things of the highest importance, “and maybe it’s selfish, but I want you to know. I _need_ to.”

“You make it sound so easy...” Jyn trails off, feeling lost.

“It is, because it’s true, and I’ve been waiting so long to tell you.”

Jyn feels a new pang of guilt in her chest. She could have saved them both a lot of heartache if she’d been braver. She’s brave in the battlefield, knows her way around a blaster or truncheon, but feelings, words… those aren’t her forte.

But whether she speaks them aloud or not… they're still true. As are her feelings.

 _‘So fuck it. You know it too, you can feel it,_ she tells herself. _‘He’s the best damn thing that’s happened to you in the last fifteen years and right now he needs you to tell him that. Just jump over the fucking the edge, Erso!’_

“I …”

She stops and takes a deep breath, swallowing to try and to get rid of the lump in her throat. It’s hard to speak after hesitating so long. A part of herself still wants to run and hide, from the world, her feelings, from everything.

But not from Bodhi.

So she blinks up from where she’s been staring at the ground and looks into his eyes. Takes in the warm, kind brown, anxiously waiting for her reaction.

“I love you too.”

She’s finally said it and before it even registers, Bodhi’s mouth is on hers, kissing her in a sudden giddy relief that leaves her short of breath all over again, although differently than before. Jyn kisses him back instinctively, like she’s caught in a fever dream. It feels like it’s the first kiss where she gets _all_ of him.  

It takes another moment until she realizes it's her who’s babbling, while her fingers curl into his hair, both holding on and holding him close.

“I think I knew it all along, but I was afraid, afraid of what would happen if I said it. Or if heard it coming from you… afraid of the hurt if something happened to one of us. Our lives… the war… I couldn’t.”

She chokes up, pressing her face into his neck while her hands clutch at his shoulder blades. Bodhi leans his head against her, arms wrapping around her to keep her close..

“That’s why I wanted to tell you. You mean so much to me and I want to tell you while I still can. In person and not from some holo stick after they’ve sorted out my belongings.”

Jyn’s chest constricts again at the thought that here, somewhere in this room, is a data stick with a message recorded for her. With Bodhi’s voice and face, telling her his feelings from the other side of the Force. With no chance for her to respond.

He’s right. They have to live life while they still can. Live every moment they have. _Together_.

Her grip tightens, everything she’s kept locked away behind high walls is finally out and washing over her. “I love you, Bo. I do, I’m sorry I couldn't say it sooner, I-”

“ _Shh_. It’s okay.” He’s reassuringly stroking over her back, When she looks back up, he’s smiling. “It’s just so good to hear it now.”

Jyn puts both hands to his face and kisses him right on his smiling mouth. She feels something wet on her cheek but doesn’t care. Just kisses him more.

They both end up lying down facing each other, just kissing and touching, reassuring themselves. Bodhi’s hands caressing every inch of her skin, stroking over her hips, her breasts, over the straps of the harness.

“I love you,” he whispers in between kisses, his face not moving away more than necessary. “I love you and I want to feel you.”

Jyn strokes over his chest and down to his groin, rubbing over the tender skin at his hip bone. She breathes against his lips. “Me too.”

Before they get too lost each other’s touch, she pries her lips off Bodhi’s, moving to whisper in his ear. “Can you turn for me? It'll be easier on your stomach.”

With an eager nod and one last kiss, Bodhi does as she's asked of him and turns, all of him on display as he lies splayed on the bed - his strong back and lean hips, angled so they're a little elevated, head comfortably resting on folded arms. He smiles back at her.

“Like this?” he asks, knowing full well what he’s doing, and Jyn swallows hard. It makes him laugh. A light laugh, free of worries and insecurities hanging over them. “Like what you see?”

“Very much.”

She crawls up on his back, draping her limbs over his so she’s pressed flush against him. His body is warm beneath her, firm, and most of all, so very familiar. Jyn presses kiss after kiss into his shoulder blades, marks up his neck with tiny nips and revels in his shiver when her tongue soothes over the small, red marks.

When she slides her hands down over the dip of his ass, Bodhi catches her hands and holds them in place. “Please,” is all he says, already sounding overwrought.

Reaching into the drawer beside the bunk, Jyn slicks up her fingers with an ample amount of lube, possibly too much even. She takes a steadying breath and slips her hand between his cheeks. Adding first one then a second finger, slowly stretching him. He shudders at her gentle touch, groaning when she brushes against the spot deep inside of him, a breathy “ _More_ ” edging past his lips. His voice is muffled by the way his face is pressed into the pillow but still the desire in it spurs Jyn on.

She pulls out her fingers and spreads another generous amount of lube on the strap-on, trying to ready herself, wanting to do this right. A low whine rises from Bodhi’s throat at the loss of friction and Jyn leans down again to kiss his nape, moving along his neck. She brushes her lips past the shell of his ear.

“Relax,” she whispers, continuing with the kisses as she lines up the harness, carefully starting to press the tip of her cock into him, her movement slow, making sure to give him enough time to adjust. “This alright?”

“Yes,” Bodhi pants and his hips buck upward, encouraging her to continue. And Jyn does. Her first thrust starts out slow, just gently moving her hips as she presses against his back and slides in all the way, waiting for Bodhi to catch his breath and repeating the movement once he does. “You can go harder,” he says, “I won't break. Not that easily, at least,” he adds and she can nearly hear his smile.

“Okay, good.” Jyn brushes away a strand of black hair that’s fallen into his face and tucks it back behind his ear, all while her cock is still in him. It makes him groan and writhe beneath her. “The only way I’d want you to break,” she continues, “is when you come undone because of me.”  

“ _Fuck_ … _!_ ” The low growl she gets in response is more satisfying than anything she could have hoped for. “That won’t be long if you keep that up.”  

“Hmm…” Jyn grins wickedly and repeats the same motion. “Let’s find out.”

It doesn’t take long to find a rhythm that works for both of them, neither too slow nor too fast, and they’re soon lost listening to each other’s moans and heartbeats. Jyn can taste the salt of Bodhi’s skin on her tongue as she kisses his neck in lack of soft lips to kiss. Imagines his mouth on hers, retuning the kiss with a burning fervor as he’d slide his hands into her hair, strands catching between his fingers as he’d pull her closer.

Involuntarily her hips jerk forward, causing Bodhi's hands to fist into the bedsheet as he fights the urge to grind himself against the bed in search of more friction. Jyn slides her hand under him, fingers wrapping around his hard cock that’s already dripping with precome, stroking him in rhythm with her thrusts.

“You're being so good, Bodhi. So good for me.” Jyn presses an open-mouthed kiss below his ear. So close to his mouth, but not close enough. “Can I have you on your back? I’d like to kiss you.”

“Yes.”

She pulls out long enough for him to turn and as soon as she’s moved between his legs, sliding back in at the new angle, Bodhi is already taking her face in his hands, pulling her close for a messy, desperate kiss. It’s too hard, more teeth than anything else, scraping breathlessly along Jyn’s lips, down to her jaw. He doesn’t let go and Jyn can feel him starting to tense beneath her.

She slides her hand from his face into his hair, curls her fingers into it, never ceasing the rocking of her hips as she leans forward to whisper in his ear. “Look at you, you’re doing so good and you’re so close. Do you want to come?”

“Yes, please, force, _please…_ ” Bodhi nearly mewls, his hips bucking and hard cock leaking more than before, but for some stubborn reason he's not touching himself, too busy charting every inch of her skin. His arms are low on her back, hands on her backside and urging her deeper into him. “Jyn _, fuck_ …”

He buries his mouth in the crook of her neck to stifle his moans in a futile attempt to spare their neighbors and Jyn can feel hot breath stream over her chest with every word. She kisses his temple.

“Then come for me.”

She wraps her fingers around his cock once more, changing the previous, deliberate strokes to something quicker, adding flicks of her wrist and swiping her thumb over the leading top, while with each thrust the harness brushes against the over-sensitive area between her legs. Jyn wishes she could sneak a hand down and rub herself. But not now, there’s time for that later. Now, she concentrates on the rhythmic movement of her hips, the whispered praises and reassurances, and the heavy breathing she isn’t sure whether it’s her own or Bodhi’s.

“ _Shh,_ I got you,” she mutters. “I got you.”

With a choked off moan and a cry of her name, Bodhi shudders and it feels like his whole body wraps around her as he comes, hot and hard and spilling over himself. The sight alone is nearly enough to make her come as well and for a moment they just stay tangled into each other, listening to their rapid heartbeats calming down.

“That was... _amazing,_ ” Bodhi says after he’s got most of his breath back.

Jyn kisses his nose. “Glad you liked it. I liked it, too.”

He makes a small noise of protest when she pulls out, leaving him empty, but then his fingers join hers and help undoing the leather straps tied around her one after another. Doing so, he keeps brushing over her inner thighs and hips and Jyn can’t help thinking that it’s both intentional and _incredible_ turn-on.

She wipes him off with the shirt she’s previously pulled over her head, fingers tracing old and faded shrapnel scars and muscles alike until Bodhi catches her hand and brings it up to his lips. Kissing each knuckle, he slowly tugs her closer to him. And closer and closer.  

“Let me take care of you now,” he whispers once she’s on top of him again, this time with one of Bodhi’s legs is wedged between hers. Everything they’ve done has rendered her increasingly sensitive and craving for more touch of her own and it’s taking almost everything she’s got not to grind herself against his thigh. Bodhi slides his hand down along the line of her back, over the curve of her ass and down to where she wants him the most. “You're so wet already,” he notes. “Did fucking me turn you on that much?”

“Maybe.” Jyn can’t help the grin on her face. Having Bodhi come undone by her touch will always be the sweetest thing. This time maybe even more than usual.

He chuckles, nuzzling his nose against hers. “I’m not gonna get a straight answer out of you, am I?”

“Depends.” Jyn juts out her chin and catches his bottom lip between her teeth, suckling at it before she lets him go. “Try and make me.”

And force, he does. Over the time they’ve spent together, he’s learned exactly how to push her buttons and make her see stars and - “Fuck” - He’s making good use of that knowledge. His fingers curl in the perfect angle and it makes her bite her lip to not cry out loud.

Jyn can’t tell how much time has passed but it can’t have been long and he’s already got her this worked up. It doesn't take much more and he has her where he wants her - panting and moaning his name as he fingers into her quicker and finally pushes her over the edge.

Afterward, they’re lying together, covered with sweat and exhaustion, but content, wrapped in standard linen and each other’s arms.

Jyn rests her head on Bodhi’s chest while his fingertips massage small circles into her shoulders. Listening to his heartbeat, she wonders what the morning will bring. Probably a new assignment, a new planet, a new danger and the same old war.

She lifts her head, causing Bodhi’s touch to still as she searches his eyes. “We'll get through this together, right? You'll still be there, with me, after the war.”

The rest goes unspoken.

_‘Because I need you, need you to be with me and hold me and never let me go. If you’re gone, then what’s the point? What would I have left worth fighting for?’_

It's still easier to say than _I love you_ even though it means the same, in her own, skewed way, but in his eyes, Jyn can see he understands anyway.

Bodhi wraps his arms around her tighter. A promise without words. He leans forward and kisses her, lips gently pressing against her forehead.

“I promise. I’ll still be here, my love.”

 


End file.
